Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
