Joe is yelling at the trees again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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