I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
