I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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