The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
MIDGETS
????
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
