And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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