My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
