You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
