I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
