oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
