I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
