His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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