I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
