Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
