Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
