just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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