Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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