No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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