My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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