you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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