Do you still have your period?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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