We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
