All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
