If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
