They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
