There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
