Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
