i was born a porn star she said
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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