Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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