We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
