his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
