I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
