: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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