I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
