She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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