its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
