Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
