my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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