you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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