Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
