You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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