My room smells like vodka and shame
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
