So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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