I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
