New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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