Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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