just survived the first fart of the relationship.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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