i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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