If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
