I'm so fucking centered right now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
