just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
