your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the day after is always just damage control
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
whose parrot is this?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
