Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
