and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.