I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.