i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?