I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?