What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question