she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.