i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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