my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
