I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
