Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
