Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
