Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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