ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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