Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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