the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
