Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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