Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I bet he comes in French.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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