She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
