im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
