Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
