I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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