hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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