today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
