His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
