That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
