if you like me you must not know who I am
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
