I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
