So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
