I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
