Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
