Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
